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Thursday, April 3, 2014

Little Dance Macabre. By John von Daler

                    An acquaintance once admitted that her evaluation of famous people included a category (perhaps akin to the top classification of the various Alps and Pyrenees in the Tour de France: "Beyond Classification" meaning out of reach, too great, limitless) that included very few people, all of whom were so noteworthy, that she had decided in her imagination - and with all her greatest respect - to have them stuffed after their deaths by the finest of #taxidermists and stood up at appropriate spots in her home.

                Needless to say, I got fired up by this secret and started to refurbish my own home, discreetly mind you, and only in my imagination, with natural statues of my own choosing. Let me interject here, that it helps to be an aficionado of Edgar Allan Poe (as I am) to be capable of stuffing ones beloved idols.
                I have no real understanding of the legal sides of this undertaking, but as long as it takes place in my mind, it should be all right, n'est-ce-pas?
                At any rate, my forthcoming museum of beloved and illustrious people now includes (in absentia) Niles from the American sit-com "Frasier", Roberto Carlos from the great, great Real Madrid football team, the much-underrated American president Jimmy Carter, and my former creative writing teacher Philip Roth. I have not yet made enquiries as to the practicality of this endeavour, notifying families, securing the proper clothing for the never-ending exhibition, etc.
                A problem of gender has also arisen. My wife has absolutely refused to admit Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson to our home. She has also implied that I will not outlive the two, beautiful ladies. We will undoubtedly have to make do with just a few famous men.
                With my wife's warning in mind, I am also considering my own fate. Here too, a close friend could inspire me. He decided to have himself cremated and then sprinkled finely around the living room of the home in which he had lived for decades with his wife. "That will make her damn-well stop cleaning the place up all the time," he said. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Hmmmm.

My book, Pieces: A Life in Eight Movements and a Prelude (WiDo Publishing) is now available. Order through, the publisher or your local bookstore. Click to buy Pieces HERE. Please feel free to write a short review of the book in your own language at or GoodReads. Thanks for your support!

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