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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

A Naughty New Year. By John von Daler

             You may have walked, as I have, through the shadier sections of Paris. The last time I visited the City of Love, I traversed a few blocks, I think St. Denis, full of shows in which one can see in detail exactly how we all got started. Strange, that we sequester one of the most central and common aspects of our lives and relegate it to the bad parts of a great city. Weird, that these acts can be sold to us clandestinely via our curiosity and longing.

         As I passed one very graphic display after another that day I noticed that the gawdy signs often proclaimed that the participants in the shows to a man (pardon my choice of words) were "Les Gens Mariés". I assume that this "fact" helps ease the moral problems of strictly religious customers in need of help to circumvent their consciences.
         At any rate here we have it: explicit shows put on exclusively by married couples. I know enough married couples to be able to imagine the subdued talk that accompanies these scenes of bliss. After all, wedded people will usually be more candid with each other than complete strangers might be. Maybe that could enliven their performances.
         Here are a few of the whispered lines you might have heard had you, wanting to spice up your life with a little naughtiness, purchased a luxurious sofa seat on the first row. Try to imagine the risqué show while you read what the couples probably are saying to each other:
         Did you remember to buy the milk?
         Easy! You know my back keeps getting worse and worse!
         Will your mother be coming next weekend?
         Did you have to flirt that much with the bakery lady?
         By the way, please remember to dry off the floor in the bathroom after your next shower.
         I thought your sister looked much better yesterday.
         Ow, get on with it. Why do you always have to take such a long time with everything?
         What's for dinner?
         I leave you this New Year's Eve with those invigorating, stimulating and sexy words whispered by hard working French married couples. Happy New Year! May your evening culminate the same way your life was initiated!


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